Tuesday, July 15, 2014

The World Cup in my tweets.


The World Cup of instant vines and memes is over. Here are some tweets on how I saw this World Cup, or as some say, just FIFA.

Pre World Cup:
Start of the World Cup
Spain 1-5 Netherlands
 Sony Six coverage was so bad, a presenter actually asked Crouch which team he would be supporting in this World Cup.
England mark their attendance.


Portugal destroyed by Germany.

Spain out of the World Cup after just 2 games.
And England are out.
Knockouts.
Semis
Third Place. Brazil embarrassed again.

The final.







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Thursday, June 12, 2014

The comprehensive Indian guide to the FIFA World Cup 2014

Edit: This post was selected for Blogadda's Tangy Tuesday picks. Link.

If you thought this World Cup guide analyses the 32 teams and gives predictions which won’t come true, this is probably the time to switch to the Youporn tab.  
We finally have a World Cup in which Dhoni will not make headlines. Lets face it, despite the progress in recent years, cricket popularity still beats football in India by an innings and 248* goals. This is highlighted by the fact that the channel broadcasting the World Cup in India was named after a cricket term to seemingly attract cricket lovers – Sony SIX. 
The problem with cricket in India is that everybody likes it, everybody plays it and wants their next five generations to play it. It’s a lot like engineering. Nowadays however there’s no value for stand-alone engineers in the country. You have to do an ‘MBA’ along with engineering to get ahead of the boring crowd. Maybe football is the MBA. And there are lot of similarities between football fans and MBAs too.
Their choice of phrases. For example an MBA would say there is an elephant in the room. A football fan would say Wayne Rooney is playing tonight. MBAs love to use abbreviations. PFA, EOD, B2B. Similarly football fans have. GGMU, YNWA, COYG,  Ok now STFU.
India's most popular footballer.
This gets us to the big football World Cup. The final from the 2010 edition had viewership equivalent to the number of people in India without an access to a closed toilet. Nearly 700 million! And if you thought the IPL was the biggest sporting extravaganza organized by the mafia, you were wrong. Say hello to FIFA. 
Brazil’s World Cup preparations have been in a mess. There have been major delays in infrastructure for the World Cup. There have been deaths reported too which are related to construction and moreover… oh wait. Oh wait. I just had this thought. We haven’t heard from Suresh Kalmadi off late have we? Even during the big elections. Oh my God!!!
Chill guys, I got this.
Let me guide you through all the groups.
·         Group A (Brazil, Croatia, Mexico, Cameroon)
Brazil is the favorite. Their most influential player is Neymar. Or as he is popularly known, the next Ronaldo, or next Ronaldinho, or the next Rivaldo, or the next Pele or the next Jesus Christ.
Brazil hosted the World Cup last in 1950 where they lost to Uruguay in the finals in one of football’s most iconic matches ever. There has been enormous talk of banishing the ghost of 1950. The minimum expectation for Brazilian fans is to simply win this World Cup. Which leads me to think what their maximum expectation could be? Brazil’s striker Hulk getting transformed into his namesake superhero, poverty getting alleviated due to brisk business generated by sex workers from travelling English fans, and winning the World Cup final against Argentina 15-0 in which Messi scores a hattrick of own goals who is then shot dead on his return to Argentina. No?
Cameroon is called the Indomitable Lions, but 25 years of no domination should probably force a rethink into the name. Cameroon takes part in World events, not to show off their talents in football, but rather fashion. In 2002, they wore sleeveless shirts. Try wearing your heart on your sleeve then. Few years later, they had a single piece body suit kit few years later. Yes, a single piece body suit. Yellow card x 2.
Body suit model and part time footballer.
Anyway as long as you don’t have Delhi Daredevils on your shirt, it is not embarrassing enough.
The key to Croatia’s showing in the World Cup is Luka Modric. He shocked everyone by cutting his trademark long hair the day after winning the champions League with Real Madrid. My money is on elders in his family fulfilling a mannat of offering his hair to Tirupathi if they won the Champions league. 

Group B (Netherlands, Spain, Chile and Australia)
In cricketing terms, Spain were the South Africas of football up until 2008. Post which they became a mad combination of Australia of the noughties and Windies of the 70s. Fernando Torres is the secret agent charged with the responsibility of ending this domination. One cannot dispute the immense contribution of Spanish football in recent years, the topmost certainly being teaching us phrases such as La Decima, Vamos (Oh that’s for Nadal)  and Hala without having to sign up for expensive Spanish lessons.
Netherlands manager Louis Van Gaal is facing the prospect of leading Netherlands into the business end of the biggest show on earth, and then in a matter of weeks having to train with the likes of Danny Welbeck and Tom Cleverly as Man United manager. From an Indian point of view, this has been a great year for Orange, and who knows, maybe their good days are about to come after years of disappointment.
Australia is actually an Asian representative to the World Cup, which is what happens when you name a continent after nothing but one country.
·         Group C (Columbia, Greece, Ivory Coast, Japan)
This is incidental, but this group looks like a special reserved quota group created to allow an African and Asian team to qualify to the latter stages of the World Cup. Ivory Coast and Japan are probably the favorites to progress from this group.  There is a case for these two countries falling under the creamy layer section hence not being eligible for this particular reservation benefit, but let us not get into that right now.  We’ll let Prakash Jha have the final say on this.
Columbia’s superstar striker Radamel Falcao misses the World Cup through injury, or as some see it he becomes the latest recipient of Karma’s a bitch message from anonymous.  Having rejected big clubs to sign for Monaco’s tax free (and fan less) riches, Falcao now faces the prospect of watching the World Cup from a luxury yacht in Monte Carlo. Its his version of the Axe Boat Party.

Sorry you cannot come,  I have been asked to come alone.
Falcao justified his move to Monaco last year saying he wanted to follow in the footsteps of his idol Thierry Henry who used to play there before Arsenal came calling. This is like saying I want to sleep with my brother’s wife so that I acquire Ryan Giggs’ footballing talents.
·         Group D (England, Italy, Uruguay, Costa Rica)
This is the group of death. For England. For the others, its not. England in the football world cup is like England in the cricket world cup. Or England in the Olympics. Shite. England has invented most sports in history but has never really dominated any, apart from the game they called Age of Empires very many decades back.
Fans must be worried of the great English tradition of its main player going into the tournament injured. Fortunately, that hasn’t happened yet. Unfortunately, we still have a few days to go. This explains the extra supplies of cotton wool ordered to protect Wayne Rooney, who however mistook it for his artificial hair and started dyeing them.
Dr. Batra's hair treatment is India's only presence in the World Cup.
The hotels where Italy and England will be based were raided by health officials lately and they found several food items well past their expiry dates. The staff needs to be told not to take the term group of death literally. But that is no concern for Luis Suarez who is known to eat anything, such as Branislav Ivanonic. Also, these hotels were not providing free condoms as per Govt regulations. Mario Balotelli said he will be carrying his own stock.
·         Group E (Switzerland, Ecuador, France, Honduras)
Group E is E for Easy. France has been rewarded for giving the world the bikini by being placed in this seemingly easy group. Younger French players will be looking to shine in the World Cup to earn a move to Newcastle United, the best French club in the world.
Switzerland’s team this term is compact, tight, and reliable with extra focus on a secure defense. Unsurprisingly, these are also the characteristics of their popular banks. 
She is impressed by the Swiss defense system.
Ecuador on the other hand has asked for Ecuadorian bananas to be served in all the players’ rooms daily in an effort to make them feel more at home. So when the random Gujarati aunty named Jashodaben sitting next to you on an international flight takes out her theplas, do not mock her on twitter.
·         Group F (Argentina, Bosnia and Herzegovina, Nigeria, Iran)
If Kingfisher’s ad agency were in charge of the World Cup, this group would be captioned - Divided by teams, united by violence back home. 
Argentina has the most lethal firepower in this group on the field. Off the field, Iran would take that title of course.
Iran practising long range shooting.
Bosnia and Herzegovina are the only debutants in this edition.  There is serious possibility of them being overshadowed in the group by the favorites Argentina, just like the word Herzegovina is overshadowed and ignored by the word Bosnia by way of its placement.
·         Group G (Germany, Portugal, Ghana, United States)
Germany always does well at World Cups.  After all, they have been on the losing side in two damn World Wars. It is only fair they succeed on the global stage. Law of average?
Klose with 14 World Cup goals is a name on everybody’s lips during World Cups. With 96.56% of them still not sure what the correct pronunciation is. Klosay, Klosa, Klos. Kloz. Lambu. ah Miroslav is good.
Cristiano Ronaldo’s girlfriend has got more footage than the entire team of fellow Group G team Ghana in the lead up to the World Cup.  But when it comes to World Cups, there can be only one Ronaldo. The Brazilian one.
·         Group H (Belgium, Russia, South Korea, Algeria)
The Moscow Times newspaper celebrated their teams’ qualification to the World cup with the headline – ‘Russia ready to conquer Brazil’. This did lead to momentary panic in the Brazil army headquarters at Brasilia.
Belgium are the dark horses. Their team can be a Premier League dream team in a good season.  However, mingling with English players throughout the year may have lead to acquiring the art of failing at World Cups.
Lukaku would probably have to score 25 goals in the World Cup to convince Chelsea not to loan him out again. Especially if your other strikers are Torres, Etoo and Ba.
Enjoy this one month of staying up late enjoying the beautiful game folks. Let me now go get ready for the World Cup in the only way I know. Stevieeee Stevie *clap clap clap* Stevieeee Stevie *clap clap clap* 
Come on England, do it for Sachin!
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Friday, January 31, 2014

My riots were better than yours!




Lets talk about politics for a bit. When it became clear that Narendra Modi was going to be the prime ministerial candidate for BJP, all the Congress leaders who like to fawn in posh English , or in other words, spokespersons huddled together and decided to frame a strategy to defame him. They googled India’s biggest scams and their reaction was oh no!, all in the top 5 scams are by Congress personnel. So they chose the obvious blot in Modi’s time, the Gujarat mass killings, and decided that every night they would come on tv, and answer '2002 riots' to every question. 

Sir, what about the falling economy?  2002 riots. 
What about increase in rapes? 2002 riots. 
What about black money? 2002 riots. 
Whats your name? 2002 riots. 
Whats your mothers name? Sonia Gandhi. 
True story.

But given that these men are all highly educated, it is a surprise that they haven’t heard of the famous saying - people in glass houses should not roam around naked in the house, without drawing the curtains.

The BJP now got the chance to retort to every 2002 killings remark with the same words, but  replacing 2002 with 1984.  Now to be honest, when 1984 happened, there was no live tv, media industry wasn’t as explosive, scrutiny was much less. So people knew something big had happened but never really brought it up in public. Its like you know you your parents have infidelity issues in the past, but you weren't present at the time you don’t bring it up, right? Just like that, we know 1984 happened, but no one was around, no one brings it up. Until the genius strategy of the Congress boomerangs and fuels the 1984 debate. 

Now when someone asks BJP,  
What about Babri Masjid? they say 1984 (and coughs).
What about Sangh conspiracy to kill Gandhi? 1984 riots. 
When should LK Advani have retired? 1984. 
How many seats will you win in the next Lok Sabha elections? 1984. 
When did India win their first cricket world cup? 1984. But no sir , its 1983.  No no no, 1984. 84 84 84 84. We have orders to just say 84. Its our new 69.

The mass killings of minorities is a bigger problem now for Congress than the BJP. Own goal. Jeetke haarne wale ko Indian cricket team aur Congress kehte hai. 

My riot is better than yours. That’s the level of political debate in the country. That’s why I hate when MBAs are combined with tv debates.  Educated people. Now for every event, there is analysis. there is a SWOT Analysis. ABC Analysis. 

My riot was better because Delhi is a prime location. 
My riot was better because 2002 is a palindrome. It was dyslexia friendly riots bro. 

In the Congress online registration website, in the year of birth section, there is a scroll down option, after 1983, there is 1985. No one born in 1984 can be part of Congress. It is their idea of having nothing to do with 1984.

In conclusion, here are a couple of rules applicable to riots.

Rule no. 1 for riots in India : If your riot is in Assam, it will fall short of reaching the ultimate pinnacle that every riot aspires for-  prime time TV debates. Sorry.

Rule no. 2 for riots in India : If you are a victim and you get justice in your lifetime, you are so damn lucky, that you should buy a lottery ticket. But can you enjoy your new found wealth without limbs and a mental scar for life? 
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Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Tribute to my first permanent Liverpool captain : Sami Hyypia

This post was first written on Sportskeeda.


Click on the pic for a larger view.


Sami Hyypia was amongst the breed of the unsung heroes, never a superstar in the conventional sense. When he announced his retirement, it was indeed heartwarming to see him trend on twitter, worldwide mind you, on a day one of the most historic occurrences of our times took place: The death of Osama bin Laden.

Find me one person in wherever Sami Hyypia has played, who has something negative to say about him. Such was his likeable nature as a man. As the colossus at the back, he was one of the best imports of the Premier League era. 38th in the list of Liverpool FC’s official 100 players that shook the Kop, a club which is not short of greats says its own story.

Hyypia epitomized the term Gentle giant. Heart of the Liverpool defense for so long in the most physical league in the world, he once went 87 games without a booking. Even more astounding is the fact that he has been sent off just once in his entire career as a centre back. Incredible.

As a player, Hyypia was not the quickest. Where he lacked in pace, he covered up by his fantastic reading of the game. Alongside Stephane Henchoz, another defender not known for pace, he formed the backbone of the Liverpool side that went on to win the treble in 2001. Hyypia had a sense of intelligence and positioning that even the quickest forwards had trouble beating him. It is probably these qualities that are making the Liverpool faithful want him back badly in a coaching capacity. Looks like however that Leverkusen will be the first beneficiary of a fabulous footballing mind.
In hindsight, it was fitting that a legendary Liverpool defender of yesteryears Ron Yeats, then chief scout, went for his talents in the Dutch League where he played for Williem II Tiburg after being tipped off by a cameraman. He was one of the long lists of players roped in by Gerard Houllier just before his first season in sole charge of Liverpool. 2.5 million pounds for an unknown in those days raised eyebrows in Liverpool. The rest is history.

Jamie Redknapp and Robbie Fowler shared the captaincy back then but their erratic fitness gave Hyypia the chance to become an assured leader on the pitch. Officially that is. It was around this time that Liverpool won their treble in 2001, and while Michael Owen took all the headlines, Hyypia led the team with an assurance not seen in Merseyside for years. He was at the heart of epic European shut outs of high flying Roma and Barcelona, both away. 2 years on, Steven Gerrard’s spectacular rise led to him giving up the armband to his young successor, but he never ceased to be a leader for the club.



His modest background and early years reflected during his career and he was a fantastic ambassador, wherever he went. On the pitch, the fact that his stay on Liverpool coinciding with Liverpool’s best period in the last two decades of largely underperformance shows his impact in the team.

His international career has seen him captain Finland, as well as hold the record for the 2nd most capped Finnish player. He was quite a handful in the opposition box and has scored some memorable goals. His volleys against United (2) and Juventus were finishes that any striker would be proud of.

From 2007-08 onwards, he slipped onto becoming a back up to Jamie Carragher, Martin Skrtel and Danny Agger, but no one could say his influence diminished. In the training ground, grooming youngsters to the pitch, performing when called upon without notice (4-1 win at Old Trafford). He wasn’t in the 25 member squad for the Champions League the same season (due to UEFA rules on no of homegrown players), and that is probably when he realized that the 2 years he thought he still had in him needed to be elsewhere. He was given a hero’s send off, and such emotions weren’t seen in Liverpool since local cult Robbie Fowler left for Leeds almost a decade back.


Mosaics on the Kop are generally reserved for something or someone very special.


‘Legend’ is probably the most overused term in sports, and nowadays generally awarded by the media. Hyypia however, one may argue, was a legend through sheer merit. He was not a fancy player, with all tricks and flicks. He was simply an old fashioned centre half. One you would feel assured if he was on your side. Both as a player, and sometimes more importantly, as a man.

He was a boyhood Liverpool fan. On the day he ends his playing career, one could say that Liverpool and its family are now firm fans of Sami Hyypia. The No. 4 at the back.

Thanks for the memories, fellow Red.
Y.N.W.A.
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Monday, May 2, 2011

Live text commentary on Sportskeeda

I and my childhood best friend Harsh started following football around a decade ago, together. We were the first amongst our friends and people around us to move on from cricket, and John Dykes and his team were instrumental in our growing up years. There were two things about Harsh back then, that I distinctly remember.

1. He always said that my favorite player Michael Owen was useless, and that young Stevie Gerrard was going to be the main man. (In hindsight, I laugh).
2. Sportinglife.com is a good website to follow.


The Sportinglife faithfuls.

Back in the day, ESPN-Star did not have a full coverage of the Premiership. It at most showed 2-3 games all weekend. There were no FA Cups or Carling Cups on the telly. Champions League coverage was good I recall, but regarding all these together, there were so many matches that weren't telecast, and a lot of them involved Liverpool.

Sportinglife was the lifeline for us. The live text commentary was such a life saver. We spent hours 'following' the matches online, witty comments, good humour, sometimes hilarious banter. All along with the action, beautifully described. Night after night, year after year.

Nowadays, it has actually reduced. The matches are almost always on the tv.

So when the guys at Sportskeeda started the Live text stream feature, all these things came to mind again. And I really wanted to do it too. Live text commentary was always a big thing for me.

Did three games this week. Porush Jain, Arvind Ragunathan and Ambuj Gupta were the ones who helped me ease into the whole concept. Great fun doing it with the latter two, especially the El Classico.

Here are the links. If I do more games, I guess I will keep updating this post, for me more than anyone else. Will have a one stop post to get hold of all the live feeds done over the weeks.

1. Chelsea v West Ham : Shame Torres chose this one to break his hilarious duck.

2. Real Madrid v Barcelona. Semi Final of the Champions League. 1st leg. : Messi with two well taken goals, overshadowed by all the playacting nonsense. Was tough to keep up.

3. Liverpool v Newcastle United : Not the best of games, this was my first game on Liverpool.

4. Barcelona v Real Madrid, Semi Final Champions League 2nd leg. : Keeshaanan, a great guy did his first streaming while I and Ambuj hung about to chip in from time to time. Good fun.

5. The BIG One. Champions League Final. Barcelona 3-1 United. What a night. Yes, United are stuck on 3. We had around 10k hits, the site crashed several times, had readers from as far as the West Indies. Great fun with Sayan Maiti, and the other regulars. Porush, the head says it would have been over 20k, had we not crashed. Awesome!

Click here for all the games under Sportskeeda Live Text Feed.
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Saturday, April 16, 2011

Hillsborough, and the Liverpool Family.




King Kenny in his interview on the eve of the Hillsborough anniversary yesterday had this to say, “It's been so long there are a generation of our fans who were not born when Hillsborough happened but they are perfectly aware of what happened. I'm sure it will be in the forefront of their minds as well."

I belong to the generation Kenny is talking about. What he probably wants to convey is that Hillsborough connects all Liverpool fans alike irrespective of who you are or your age. Being tucked away here in Calcutta, thousands of miles away from Merseyside, I believe even strongly, Kenny is talking about the people, irrespective of age and distance, and how important Hillsborough will always be for a Liverpool fan.

April has generally been a happy month of the year for me. The final exams of school got over in March, this was the time to let your guard down. The summer vacations were around the corner. Plus my first girlfriend and one of the best persons I have known, had her birthday in April :P , Jokes apart, in all seriousness, for majority of my life, esp in school, I have wanted to be in April and its generally been a happy time.

But 15th April of every year brings a strange combination feeling of immense sadness at the occurrences up at Sheffield on that wonderful spring day in 1989 and its aftermath, as well as happiness and pride of being part of this incredible Liverpool family.

This day epitomizes the reason this football club is so special to the reds all over the world. On this day, I don’t care if we end up being relegated, I don’t care if we don’t win the Premiership for another 22 years, all I care about is the victims’ families who define Liverpool club to get the mere consolation of justice, more than 2 decades on.

Liverpool football club has always been more than just football to me, and this day affirms that belief. We become fans, not just for the enjoyment, for the goals, and highlights or the banter. We become fans to become a part of this wonderful institution, and therefore its no wonder that a club that hasnt won the league for 2 decades and had that one Champions League triumph in 2005, is never short of new generation fans, never ceases to be big. Find me another club like that, who’s failed for so long, yet the fan base has grown , the love for it grown, and the pride of supporting the club amongst old and new fans remaining firmly intact.

It feels so good to see the ex players tweet or talk about the day. Xabi Alonso, Arbeloa, Ryan Babel, Michael Owen, even Cesc Fabregas cutting across club loyalties. It feels wonderful to be able to watch the service free on the LFC.tv channel, and thank you for opening up every year to all the non-members around the world.

So made up for our Rafa Bentiez, for the standing ovation, for the tears he shed. Managers, a lot like players move around all the time and fair play to them. But it is heart-warming to see a man who was removed less than a year ago from the club he loved, back amongst his own people – the fans of the football club. My posts are never without clichés, and here’s the customary one then – You took Rafa out of Liverpool, but try taking Liverpool out of Rafa, Or try taking Rafa out of us.  Thanks, forever grateful. Top man.



I really want to write about King Kenny on this topic, but I very well know I can’t do justice at all to it. One of the oldest memories is reading up on Hillsborough and how Kenny and Marina Dalglish conducted themselves and supported the families impeccably. It was probably too much for him to take as he quit as manager soon after, but he is back now, and what a wonderful person to have in charge of something you treasure most. It’s come a full circle for us on the touchline, it’s time to replicate it in the courtroom.



Hillsborough is not a yearly formality, it teaches you lessons of life. For anyone following the progress and efforts of the families in getting justice, it is an eye opener and wake up call. Fighting the establishment, all for love. Hillsborough and Liverpool FC have taught me to see things in perspective, and go beyond the beautiful game. Hillsborough gets us all together, like Munich does for United, Ibrox does for Rangers and Heysel for Juve. It goes beyond the 90 minutes.

No matter what I have done over the past few years, April 15th has always halted me for sometime. Whether I am happy or sad, in Calcutta, Pune anywhere, it’s a both sad and happy day. More than watching a United-Liverpool game at Anfield, I hope I can make my debut in the stands of the sacred stadium on some April 15th, and witness the memorial service in person. By then, I am also hoping the truth will be ‘officially’ out.

Walk on, walk on. With hope in your heart. And You'll Never Walk Alone.

Cheers,
A very very proud Liverpool F.C. supporter.

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Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Some thoughts on the football scene, and the Sportskeeda interview with a promising talent

Just today in office, knowing my Calcutta club cricket background, one of my seniors who has a 10 month old child asked, which cricket coaching should I put my child in after a few years? Hah. Paragraph OVER.



Maybe it's an after effect of the IPL auctions, but nothing seems to have changed in Calcutta. When I was young, contrary to the belief that Calcutta is the mecca of football in India, every child went to a cricket coaching. Including me. After being in Pune for 4 years and seeing the interest there, I have said this so often, Calcutta is the mecca of ugly student politics and civic sense on the road, not the beautiful game.

Thankfully though, there is a bunch of young footballers coming up now, mostly (and not co-incidentally) from Delhi, who are giving it a shot to go play abroad. Why I say not co-incidentally Delhi is because I get an idea that there are schools and academies focused wonderfully on exposure and promotion of promise. That is so awesome to see. I am unaware, but obviously there will be other cities have great institutions focusing on non-cricket disciplines, and I look forward to seeing more of it.

Avyay Gujral had a trial At Man City if I am not mistaken, played for Anderlecht youth set up, been to Brazil etc. Raghav Khurrana plays in Canada now. Siddharth Mookerjee had short stints at big European clubs. Way to go!!!

Thanks to Porush Jain of Sportskeeda, I got the chance to have a chat with one of them - Siddharth Mookerjee, a 17 year old, showing immense promise.

You can check out the interview here. I thank him for the quick response, and with the interaction I have had, he is indeed a great guy. Wishing him all the very best. :)

A word here for Sportskeeda. This start-up is one to really look out for. Knows what it is doing, and it's focus on Indian sports, esp Indian football is heart-warming. Love them for it. Relentlessly trying to give Indian football its due, and doing a fabulous job. Big thumbs up for Porush and the team. It is not a shameless plug, these people are true sports and Indian sports lovers. It is worth supporting whole-heatedly.

India's playing the AFC Asia Cup btw, if we are over the IPL hangover. :)
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