Friday, January 31, 2014

My riots were better than yours!

Lets talk about politics for a bit. When it became clear that Narendra Modi was going to be the prime ministerial candidate for BJP, all the Congress leaders who like to fawn in posh English , or in other words, spokespersons huddled together and decided to frame a strategy to defame him. They googled India’s biggest scams and their reaction was oh no!, all in the top 5 scams are by Congress personnel. So they chose the obvious blot in Modi’s time, the Gujarat mass killings, and decided that every night they would come on tv, and answer '2002 riots' to every question. 

Sir, what about the falling economy?  2002 riots. 
What about increase in rapes? 2002 riots. 
What about black money? 2002 riots. 
Whats your name? 2002 riots. 
Whats your mothers name? Sonia Gandhi. 
True story.

But given that these men are all highly educated, it is a surprise that they haven’t heard of the famous saying - people in glass houses should not roam around naked in the house, without drawing the curtains.

The BJP now got the chance to retort to every 2002 killings remark with the same words, but  replacing 2002 with 1984.  Now to be honest, when 1984 happened, there was no live tv, media industry wasn’t as explosive, scrutiny was much less. So people knew something big had happened but never really brought it up in public. Its like you know you your parents have infidelity issues in the past, but you weren't present at the time you don’t bring it up, right? Just like that, we know 1984 happened, but no one was around, no one brings it up. Until the genius strategy of the Congress boomerangs and fuels the 1984 debate. 

Now when someone asks BJP,  
What about Babri Masjid? they say 1984 (and coughs).
What about Sangh conspiracy to kill Gandhi? 1984 riots. 
When should LK Advani have retired? 1984. 
How many seats will you win in the next Lok Sabha elections? 1984. 
When did India win their first cricket world cup? 1984. But no sir , its 1983.  No no no, 1984. 84 84 84 84. We have orders to just say 84. Its our new 69.

The mass killings of minorities is a bigger problem now for Congress than the BJP. Own goal. Jeetke haarne wale ko Indian cricket team aur Congress kehte hai. 

My riot is better than yours. That’s the level of political debate in the country. That’s why I hate when MBAs are combined with tv debates.  Educated people. Now for every event, there is analysis. there is a SWOT Analysis. ABC Analysis. 

My riot was better because Delhi is a prime location. 
My riot was better because 2002 is a palindrome. It was dyslexia friendly riots bro. 

In the Congress online registration website, in the year of birth section, there is a scroll down option, after 1983, there is 1985. No one born in 1984 can be part of Congress. It is their idea of having nothing to do with 1984.

In conclusion, here are a couple of rules applicable to riots.

Rule no. 1 for riots in India : If your riot is in Assam, it will fall short of reaching the ultimate pinnacle that every riot aspires for-  prime time TV debates. Sorry.

Rule no. 2 for riots in India : If you are a victim and you get justice in your lifetime, you are so damn lucky, that you should buy a lottery ticket. But can you enjoy your new found wealth without limbs and a mental scar for life? 


  1. Awesome... Heard all your videos back to back and now traced and reading this as well. Hilarious is the term.For me it's been a Laugh riot. Love the originality.

    :) :D