Do us a favour, and stop giving interviews for a start

This is the classic rant, if ever there was one. But there are some good points in there at the bottom too I feel.



To those who know me well, I like the old fashioned football system. Typical English football. No dives, no time wasting, a lot of fight, loyalty, some Hollywood balls, agents-can-fuck-off, give-managers-time are few of the traits that I’d love to see return to modern day football.

Liverpool once went from 2nd to 5th and missed out on the champions league under Gerard Houllier, whose funds were urgently required at the time, and calls for his head were loud. He was surprisingly sacked the next season when we did much better than the previous campaign, and I was sad to see a manager leave. The example of Rafa would be much clearer. 7th from 2nd, europa league and what not. How the entire world was after him isn’t lost on me. Friends used to ask me on chat as the season progressed and results deteriorated : Still for Rafa? Yes.

The idea was simple. One season from 2nd to 7th don’t make a manager worthless. It wasn’t working, fair enough, he has to take maximum blame. Given. But he was here for the long term, and I was terribly disappointed when he left. When Roy Hogdson came, like a lot of fans who irrespective of whether they liked the appointment or not, supported the man in charge. I did the same. Even blogged on it, I was backing him.

Results went from worse to even worse. Admittedly, it was then, I realized I dint know anything about the man. No research. Probably holds true for the one who appointed him. Non footballing people appointing football managers. Way to go. Hindsight, yes. Agree.

Results are bad enough. Fine. But there are other things that make me really wanna get a manager sacked in 4 months. For the first time ever.

1. ‘Judge me after 10 games’ is what he said when the first couple of games dint produce a win. After 13 games, and performances for everyone to see, he extends his judgment period conveniently to 38 to 55 games. Weird range. Probably random numbers uttered under pressure. :P

2. Unnecessary smartness : When Riijkard was linked, he actually said"I understand Rijkaard has just been sacked from Galatasaray - he must be a great manager to have been sacked by Galatasaray" STINKS. Said by a man sacked by Udinese, Blackburn, UAE International team and potentially Liverpool.


3. I feel for the man because to be fair, he has come into a very very difficult situation. But give the situation the respect it deserves. Keeping on ranting about how we are doing good, when quite visibly we aint isn’t winning any fans. Its probably for self-conviction, but come on. Speak the truth. From his first few interviews, I thought this man was someone who would say things as he saw. Straight forward. Wasn’t I wrong like Purslow. :P

4. After the Everton game, where we lost 2-0 and dint create shit, he had the guts to tell the media that we played well. He said it was the best game under him. And that Everton were lucky to have a two goal cushion to defend. Hah. After the loss against Blackpool, he decided to focus on the 2nd half performance where we couldn’t score 2 at home, completely ignoring the first half showing that best defines his reign. Bloody liar. It has become a joke between me and a fellow Red, we predict his interviews, especially in games when we are playing superb in his eyes. Every defeat has a lie. Vs Stoke, his interview seemed like its ok to lose here, its difficult. And his words made Stoke look like Barca. Shame.

5. Tactics and player moves, fine I don’t understand anything. Novice. But letting go Aquilani and bringing in a 30 yr old reserve from the same club for 5 million doesn’t seem right. Juve would be ROFL right now. Selling a 21 yr old Argentine international left back, for a spent 29 yr old full back for 5 million is probably a steal? Konchesky is unbelievably PATHETIC. Pennant looked like Ronaldo the other night. Buying a Portuguese centre midfield international and playing him on the right wing where he visibly doesn’t have any clue is adaptation I believe. Oh yes Rafa made mistakes in the market. But Rafa did a lot of other things which this man cant even dream off.

6. 10 Sept 2010. I put my weight behind David Ngog and Ryan Babel, who’s never really been given a proper chance at centre-forward at the club.” “We have Fernando Torres, we have good players who can play behind a lone striker.” “I will be using David Ngog and Ryan Babel in certain games to give Fernando Torres a rest and it’s up to them to prove to me that there’s no need to look further than them.”

31 October 2010 – “A club like Liverpool shouldn’t have to rely on non-specialists like Dirk Kuyt or Ryan Babel ‘doing a job’ up front when they are primarily wide players.”


7. Away games this season:
Vs City – 0-3. Need I say more?
vs Birmingham – bad bad bad. No chances. Drab draw.
Vs United – 2-3, played well for 15 minutes. Good enough?
Vs Everton – 0-2 Created shit, could have been so many more.
Vs Bolton – Drab game. Nicked a win in injury time. Points matter, performance there to see.
vs Wigan – 1-1 Wigan turned in on after Liv scored. Thank God for a point.
Vs Stoke – 0-2 **** ***

These are points that struck just now. Damn sure there will be more after I post this.

13 away wins in 6 seasons as Premiership manager with Blackburn, Fulham and Liverpool. How the hell can that be looked past while appointing him is beyond me? They chose to prefer last season Europa heroics of the man ahead of 20 years of success in Scandinavia or failures everywhere else.

Fun Fact : Hodgson complained that his failure at Blackburn tarnished his reputation in England, whilst his record on the continent should have made him comparable to Sir Alex Ferguson: "Of course, my track record, if people bothered to study it, would put me in the same category as [Sir Alex] Ferguson enjoys today.

Continent record : 4 Swedish titles, 1 Danish, 2 UEFA Cup runners up. #FML. If groomed well, he can be the West’s answer to Rakhi Sawant. His interviews, past and present. #FTW

Fun Fact 2 : Stoke had more possession for the first time since they got promoted in the match last weeked vs Liverpool. All is well.

Fun Fact 3 : This is his 19th job in 35 years of management. The experience is commendable but 19?

I don’t mind a manager like Rafa who is perceived to be arrogant by the world, but who gives the Liverpool fan a feeling of being one of its own. I despise a manager who thinks he can fool everyone by being a politician in front of the mic. And being even worse on the pitch, esp when the fans are travelling.

This link gives a compiled list of Roy Hogdson's famous interviews after taking over. Even when he gets sacked, surprisingly i might feel bad somewhat. But now, 2am, a good time to rant and take the frustration out. The overall package of Hogdson aint workin for me.

OUT NOW!!!!

P.S. If in the remote possibility of Roy turning it around miraculously and surviving on merit, I ll be happy to admit defeat. Putting it up on the blog, so no chance of going back on it.

P. P.S. #blamerafa for Global Warming.

Taking A. Raja's side. Good man. :P

Overdose of A.Raja. Well, if not him, someone else ofcourse. Anyway, returning to spoof and satire after months and hoping it goes ok. :)


Being on A. Raja's side.

I was told in my childhood that we should always help people in need. And there is no one who needs help more than A. Raja at the moment. Poor guy.

Say I was Ram Jethmalani. Why? Not a clever question. If he doesnt defend A. Raja, who will? This is his esteemed clientele.

Or better still, imagine I am in some hot shot PR agency and have been hired by Raja to do the adidas. i.e. Repair his shattered image. Lets help him.

1. Pray!
No, not so simple. Not the prayers that involve 'give me luck, give me strength to face the storm' etc. The more effective version would be 'give India another Kalmadi' , or 'please make Obama return to India'. Someone needs to replace him much like he replaced Kalmadi.


Praying for a new Kalmadi

2. Lessons from the President!
As recent trends have shown, you can attempt to endear yourself to the general public by ending every English speech / byte with a 'Jai Hind', and put in a 'bahut bahut dhanyawad' somewhere in the middle regardless of your content. An unannounced trip to poor UP villages is another option but lets bunk that because it might become too obvious even for the intelligent folks who hoot and cheer on Rakhi ka Insaaf.

3. Use the media!
Ok the media has screwed him. But the character of a politician is judged best by how he uses the media to his benefit. Appear on The Newshour on TimesNOW. This will work in two ways. One, people wont keep on saying that Raja dint face the nation. But more importantly, it will capitalize on the phenomenon that by being seen on the opposite side of Arnab Goswami automatically makes the persom get enormous sympathy from the young Indian audience. Raja will no doubt be a little worried as to how he would defend himself in such a massive nationwide platform, but hey, who are we kiddin? He wont get a chance to defend anyway. ;)

4. Wealth-wishers advice.
Raja being where he is, will obviously have a lot of people much experienced in such passing situations. So he would be well advised to listen to such wealth-wishers.

5. Precautions.
One major pointer that can bring about his fall would be appearing in the esteemed show mentioned somewhere above. Rakhi ka Insaaf. Lets say Raja does succumb to his obvious weakness and accepts the cash to appear on the show. Imagine Rakhi Sawant guy calling him impotent live on tv. Wooo. Prime minister, Media, Congres, if no one can make you resign, Rakhi will go a step further and probably abet a suicide. Problem solved. So beware.

Ok, the man is in trouble and will probably have gone while this post is being read. But looking at the brighter side, he did manage to dislodge Rajnikant as the most talked about South Indian of the country presently. And trust me, THAT is no small feat.

Awesomeness = The Comedy Store \m/

In my life, through media and movies, and Terrorism, I have seen or learnt of various ways of committing suicide. Then I found a new method. Sitting in the front row, at the Comedy Store. Sure to be ripped apart. R.I.P.

Drink in hand, tears in your eyes, pain in the ribs, unforgettable experience in the mind.

I have never vouched for a place so aggressively as I will for this one. I have never reviewed movies, or even favourite hangouts of mine in Calcutta, Pune or Bombay. Now though, I shamelessly pimp for the Comedy Store. This post has been a long time coming (my Godrej Bombay mates will agree :P) I love this place.

The Comedy Store is totally unique. It is located at the High Street Phoenix compound, in Bombay. That ofcourse is not its uniqueness. It is unique because of the unforgettable experience, and the unstoppable laughs. The best brand of humor and wit. Of sarcasm and innovation.

The Comedy Store, originally from England has opened its first franchise outside of the UK, in Bombay. It is a place dedicated to quality stand-up comedy. No more of reality tv crap, nor the laughter of the i-will-tickle-till-you-laugh-or-change-the-channel kind. This is sheer awesomeness.

The place has a medium sized auditorium, a full bar and a decent enough restaurant. You can take your food inside, and better still enjoy a night of good wit with your drink in hand. What else do you need?

The Comedy store works like this. 3 professional stand-ups, world renowned ( I admit I dint know about them until I googled past Russel Peters), perform for 2 hours. There are two shows each night. One around 8.30 and the second around 11pm. One local amateur performer is given a 10 minute slot in the middle, and they are as good as the pros. Ashish Shakya, who co-writes 'the week that wasn’t' on CNN IBN was one such performer, and I cannot forget the ‘Mamata Bannerjee needs to get laid’ sequence till the time I die. Its sheer awesomeness. Simply.




One of the nights I was there, saw Mickey Hutton, Sean Meo and Glenn Wool. Different styles. Same result. Laughing out Loud. Mickey Hutton was like an energy volcano, taking the audience by storm. Ripping apart the front row. Sean Meo was calm and quiet, the audience however wasn’t, in reaction to his jokes. Wool was the cowboy, strolling from here to there, with content that will make a dead man cry out with laughter.

I went again, two days later to find more or less the same people performing, but it was new, and equally hilarious. I wish I could reproduce some of the jokes here. But I know it will be futile. The craziness cannot be replicated.

Vir Das’ professional comedy company Wierdass performed one night. Experimental comedy, by an Indian troupe, highly commendable. The place looks like one which encourages new genres, new talent like the 10 minute slots, and how welcome is that? Wierdass attempted an experimental show based on the lines of Who’s line is it anyway. On the spot improvisations seemed a world away from forced laughter aided by Navjot Singh Sidhu’s background noise pollution.

The place is expensive. 700 for passes for the show. The drinks and food aint on the lower side for sure. A pint costs around 175, and it had a toll on me, especially as I visited it 3 times in 10 days. But it is worth it. Because of its uniqueness, especially in moral-policed India. I went there for the 4th time, passes were sold out. :(

It is a place frequented by celebs too. Imran Khan and Minisha Lamba were present on two different nights respectively. But that’s not even close to being the USP of the Comedy Store. The general audience is receptive, they add weight and value to the performers. Matured heckling takes place. It is class, all over.

For anyone visiting Bombay, trust me, this place is a must. For my Pune friends, the thought of coming to Bombay just for a night of comedy will be laughed at initially, but you will laugh more anyway in here.

THIS is THE place to be.

PS : Don’t drink too much, it’s a 2 hour show and you would want to miss a minute of this laugh riot for going out to pee. The washrooms quite far. :P

PPS : More laughter in everyone’s life. Amen.

'True' Story !!!

When any sentence in this world with a reference to Hicks and Gillet contains the word 'true' , like the title of this post, it seems somewhat like an oxymoron. Isnt it? But then again, oxymoron contains the word moron. So all is well.

Anyway, I have done two amateur comic spoofs before on Chelsea and Pakistan. Obviously, those were fake and made up. This however, is not. This is a true story. Totally.


















Gillet Junior

































I hope I am not speaking too soon by doing this one. Pray. :)

Image Sources : Google.
Must See Video : Dear Mr Hicks

Who forgot the fans? And how? #LFC

This piece was first posted on Sportskeeda.com


Isn’t it ironic, that on the day Hollywood producer and lifelong Red Mike Jefferies releases the fan video asking Tom Hicks to sod off, Tom Hicks reminds everyone in case they forgot what he is made up of. Tom, no one needs reminding for the next 140 million years what you really are. Thank You. Ooh did i hear 140 million? Is that what he might lose out if the courts dont mess up? :P

A couple of months back, I wrote this piece Once bitten twice shy, which spoke about the apprehensions that the Liverpool fans will have irrespective of how many billions the new owner has to throw away. At that point, the man in question was Kenny Huang, backed by a Chinese fund worth much much more than Roman Abramovich, but even then, the fans were skeptical. And the same feeling exists as the Boston Red Sox owners come calling.

In a recent poll at a very popular Liverpool fan website, 97.6% said they would rather see that risk of a nine point deduction than let Hicks and Gillett spend another second in control of the club. This, at a time when every point is important after the worst start to a season in half a century. Surprising it may sound, but being under G&H is like relegation anyway.

Yes we all know how football is business, the insane amounts footballers earn, the insane prices exchanged during August and January. But how conveniently have we forgotten the root of all the money. Who pays the wages? Elementary question. Ans : The fans turn up each weekend, largely irrespective of results. They pay. The same fans buy merchandise that form an integral part of revenues. TV rights have changed the football world, haven’t they? What would they do if they din’t have an audience. The sponsors on the shirt. The sponsors on the advertising boards. Whom do they target? Same answer. The fans.


Not clear enough ?

Lets take an example closer to home. In India. Why is there no money in most sports apart from cricket? Because those sports don’t have the mass audience, or dedicated and interested fans. In cricket, the money is there, because for years, the people have turned up, showed madness. The sponsors sponsor cricket because of the people. They don’t sponsor other sports because of empty seats.

The reason why football is such a massive business is because the fans made it that way. How tragic and ironic that the same people are shoved to the background more often than not!!

In this age of glamour and big money football, how conveniently have we forgotten about the heart and soul of the game. The very reason of football. The same old loyal fans. Cutting across nationalities, race and occupation. The very drivers of football. Or for that matter any competitive sports.

The fans don’t have the millions. Theoretically they don’t have financial stakes in the club. But the emotional stake they have is in one word, indispensable.

It was so simple, wasn’t it?

Whenever the new custodians take guard, be it tomorrow or God forbid sometime like next year, whoever they might be, the fans don’t care. As long as they are taken into the loop. As long as they are given their due. There is talk in the air that ShareLiverpool will have representation of some form in the management. Hope Kenny Dalglsih is involved too. After all, he is a fan too. The fans NEED to be engaged. If they are, if their interests are seriously considered, we get a happy family.

Coming back to opinions on the Boston Red Sox owners taking over, it looks promising. Just like it did in 2007. Cut the crap. Everytime a club is bought, promises are made. It is a no brainer. And to think that just because they pulled the Red Sox out of trouble, will mean they will do the same to Liverpool is hilariously ridiculous. It is possible, yes. But only that.

English football and Major league baseball are two different planets. The game is run differently. The rules of ownership, funds, player transfers, salary caps couldn’t be more contrasting. There, you cannot buy a franchise on leverage beyond a reasonable percentage. And that is non existent in the poor fore-sighted regulations of the Premier League. It would be naïve to think Liverpool can wake up one morning and replicate the Red Sox model or the Fenway Park-esque Anfield renovation plan. To succeed in Liverpool, they will need a new plan complete with customized ideas specific to this country and this country’s game. Let us not read too much into Red Sox’s stupendous success in the last 4 years.

For reasonable audiences (:P) feeling that this ownership issue is merely diverting the focus from what the ‘real’ problem is. Relegation zone. Well, I dint start supporting Liverpool based on results. The situation makes me sad, but nothing changes at all. And I read somewhere today, no one has known a club in boardroom instability in such magnitude, and still been good on the pitch.

Once bitten so hard, forever shy. Meanwhile, Gillet and Hicks. Fill in the blanks. F___ O__ NOW

PS : Dear Mr. Hicks is a must watch.

How Roy Hodgson’s Liverpool will be different from Rafa’s.

This was first posted on sportskeeda.com


Source


This piece is on a topic that at first glance may seem unimportant. That was my first instinct too. But then I thought about it, and realized that even though we have just begun with Roy Hodgson, the signs of things to come can be seen.

Yesterday night’s game between Liverpool and FK Rabotnicki in the Europa League qualifier 2nd leg was the first time I saw the Reds in action this season. It was the first time, I saw Roy Hodgson’s Liverpool in action. After 5 years and hundreds of games of Rafa Benitez’s Liverpool later, I had been accustomed to see a certain pattern whenever Liverpool played.

When Rafa Benitez was removed, I was disappointed. I really loved the man, especially how he stood up to the owners. Onto matters on the pitch, he was a typical new generation continental manager. Rafa Benitez believed more in strategies and preparations over the flair and spontaneity of the players. His belief in caution before any experimenting was religious. He was good at what he thought, and there is no way his controversial press conferences makes him a bad manager. He is one of the best managers in the world, 7th place finish or not.

So when Roy Hodgson was appointed the new manager, ahead of fancier names like Kenny Dalglsih, Manuel Pellegrini and Frank Riijkard, I did not really know what to expect. I was still unhappy over the removal of Benitez and the madness of the hierarchy in club affairs, and wasn’t entirely convinced that Roy was the man. But as every Liverpool fan in the land, it was our duty to back the manager. He deserved that. And hence, that is what we all did.

I was waiting all along to see how different everything will be from now on. I started warming up to Roy Hodgson in the first couple of weeks of pre-season. His interviews and press conferences were typically blunt. Rafa had a template ready to certain questions. Roy said it like he saw it. He was honest enough about the uncertainty regarding the futures of Gerrard and Torres. He even went on to accept a Ronaldo-esque bid would probably mean Torres leaving.


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And then to the first game I saw. Trust me; the changes were small but unbelievably prominent.

Dani Pacheco had just come back a days earlier from his exploits for Spain’s U-19 team. He is an 19 year old rookie. Joe Cole had played for half a game in the last many months. There was no way Rafa, the perfectionist that he was, would make them play 90 minutes. Roy had no hesitation in doing so. Martin Kelly, in his 2nd start teamed up with Dani Pachecho on the left. Two rookies, allowed to express themselves. In the previous regime, a senior- pro would be there to help the junior out. Little changes like I said.

In the previous regime, the first movement on the bench would always take place around the 65th minute. The first substitution always took place a few minutes after that. Irrespective of how the game was poised. (Apart from a few cases, most famous of which was Didi Hamann coming on as the half time sub at Istanbul). Yesterday, Roy made his 2nd change, before 65.

Rafa Benitez was someone who was never satisfied. He wanted more. Gerrard used to say in interviews that a pat on the back meant so much because it was so rare. I had gotten used to that line of thought. And then after yesterday’s game when Liverpool could have scored over 10 goals, when Roy was asked whether he was happy with the performance, here was his reply.

“It’s enough. One more (goal) than the opposition is always enough. I am perfectly satisfied”.

There are the changes. No two managers are similar, but from what I see, these two in question are opposite poles. Roy is typically English. Direct. It is still early days but I believe this trend will continue. Maybe that is what Liverpool needed. A low profile, wheeler-dealer type of a manager, but strong enough to make his own mark on the team.

We will see a lot more youngsters thrust into the action. We will see spontaneous decision making. We will have a lot more blunt interviews.

Liverpool are going through a transition. The new manager is very different from the previous one. How I wish I’d be able to say that for the owners as well.

Once bitten, twice shy : My take on the Liverpool takeover saga.

(This piece was first posted at sportskeeda.com)


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At the end of a storm, there is a golden sky.

These famous words from Liverpool’s famous anthem, has become a prayer for the fans. Last season’s spectacular free fall, especially after being 4 points away from the title in 2009, qualifies as a storm that has taken the wind out of the football club. Not just on the field played a part, events off the field were more distressing.

As the world cup got over, and pre-season began, uncertainty was the only constant in the club. Then the good news started trickling in. The new manager landed Joe Cole, a coup. The heart and soul of the team, Steven Gerrard and Fernando Torres committed themselves to Liverpool. And then, news of potential movement in the process of selling the club appeared. Which looked good in the beginning. Promising.

And here is where all the fans must stop. And not get carried away. Caution!!!!

For the fans, so easily cheated last time when Hicks and Gillet took over after many convenient lies, there is no way they can dissect and analyse the bids from their homes. How the people in charge failed to see past the lies, lies and more lies last time the club was sold was unbelievable. Yes Hicks and Gillet were wealthy, but a google search would tell you what their track record of owning sports teams were. Terrible. At this point of time therefore, the fans are hoping, and praying that the men in charge, show half as much passion that they have, for one of the greatest clubs in the world.

Lets look at the stories of the main bids that have come through.

Keneth Huang’s reported interest is exactly the type of thing Gillet and Hicks were born to oppose. The owners have made it clear that their sole intention is to earn a major profit. This declaration of intent has to be the only time they have spoken the truth. The reported takeover plan focuses on buying out the loan and using the resulting leverage to pressurize and oust the owners and not give them the parting profit they undeservingly expect. The source of funds for this bid is unclear now, but the fact Huang has bypassed the two owners in negotiations so far, is something that would delight the Anfield faithful. Reports suggest that this offer could be the best, as it would practically have the backing of China, along with massive scope for major deals by entering into the massive Chinese market, which is yet to be fully tapped.

Whether the Chinese are bidding for us because we wear all red, is up for debate. :P

The other player, Syrian Yahya Kirdi, has announced that he is in the final stages of talks and that a price has been decided. With whom? Yes George Gillet. Reason enough to distrust him? That’s probably going too far, but no Liverpool fan would be disagreeing with it at the moment. That is the amount of distrust the fans have. The fact that Kirdi is also a good friend of Gillet Junior doesn’t help. Many suggest that this bid and the public statement is a stalling tactic, aimed at delaying the potential Huang takeover. Only time will tell, but like I said, anything with close proximity to the owners just doesn’t sound good enough.

ONE AND ONLY RULE TO BE FOLLOWED: If George Gillet says it’s a good deal, IT IS DEFINITELY NOT A GOOD DEAL.


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Usual stalling tactics apart, it wont be surprising if things get dirty. Hicks and Gillet might pay their way through false articles etc about the individuals or companies they don’t want to sell to. We don’t know, plus we cant know. Isnt it justified for fans to be cynical in such an environment?

Martin Broughton is a reputed professional. He was brought in to oversee the sale. Christian Purslow is the CEO. And more importantly a vote in the board. Both of them, at the end of the day, were handpicked by the owners. Cynical again, yes, but how unfair is to criticize the fans for not trusting anyone remotely linked with the Americans. The truth however is, the fans have to trust them. Because they don’t have a choice. The club is at their mercy.


The best bid might not be the highest bid. From what has been gathered through the media, the Kirdi offer seems to be the highest, and hence unsurprisingly finds support from the owners. But whether they will have the resources for sustainable investment in the long run is suspect. There is a sense of caution here because in 2007, Gillet and Hicks did exactly this. They had a sizable offer accepted, but dint have anything to fulfill the promises. The stadium completion date incidentally, was August 2010.

This reminds me of our old manager. Rafa Benitez. One of the reasons for which I was sad to see him leave was him seeming to stand up to the management. In a way, he was representing us. This doesn't hide the on field disasters, but he looked as if he was fighting the devils. Thats why i loved him.

On another topic, I have always been someone old fashioned. I do not like situations like these where the fans, the ones who make your club, are effectively as good as non existent. It is too much business. Too much.

The news of Gerrard and Torres committing are welcome, but however important that might be, the main story is yet to break. Gerrard and Torres’ presence would affect the next few years. The new owners, will write Liverpool’s future. Way beyond those few years.

Once bitten, twice shy, is not a cliché for nothing.

P.S. And remember. ONE AND ONLY RULE TO BE FOLLOWED: If George Gillet says it’s a good deal, IT IS DEFINITELY NOT A GOOD DEAL.